Psalm 62:1-8
1 I wait quietly before God,
for my victory comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will never be shaken.
3 So many enemies against one man—
all of them trying to kill me.
To them I’m just a broken-down wall
or a tottering fence.
4 They plan to topple me from my high position.
They delight in telling lies about me.
They praise me to my face
but curse me in their hearts.
5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
7 My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
8 O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge.
Med school is tough. That is not a secret to any one. I knew this going in, but I didn't know it was going to be THAT though. I've always been a good student. I pick up on things easily. But... I didn't know what studying was until I got to UMC. It isn't normal to sit in a chair for 8-14 hours a day studying textbooks, power points, and charts and graphs. It takes some discipline to make yourself push on for another hour, another chapter, one more slide.
One of my favorite people at UMC told us on the first day of orientation, "Life doesn't stop for med school." She was right. Life still happens as you study the days away in the library. Somehow you've got to find a way to press on through the difficult times. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can't let joy or excitement distract you.
I am not saying that I've had the most difficult journey that any med student has ever had, but it certainly was not the easiest. Here are just a few bumps in the road I've experienced throughout the first 2 1/2 years of med school.
The first thing that happened to me M1 year was someone breaking into my car and stealing all my books, laptop, and purse... Two days before my 2nd Biochemistry test. Its hard to study without the powerpoints or text books. I had some great friends that reached out to me and let me borrow notes and books, and a few even offered me a laptop.
The second major thing that happened to me M1 year was a broken leg... requiring surgery... in the middle of Gross Anatomy and Biochem. I missed a week of classes. (The day after I came back, my class voted me Intramural Chairman. They have a great sense of humor.) One of our gross anatomy professors suggested I drop out of school and try again next year. God provided. I passed... with an A and made in the 96th percentile on our national board exam. Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow.
Between M1 and M2 year, I lost 20 pounds and was getting horribly sick after almost every meal I ate. They scoped me and found out that my lower esophageal sphincter is lax. They put me on an extended release PPI. It worked almost instantly. And the medicine was free for me. Cheaper than the Wal-Mart $4 list. Only by God's provision.
Fast forward to M2 year. Mom had a lump in her thyroid. Her doctor sent her to have it biopsied. I got to watch them do a fine needle aspiration on her with ultrasound guidance. I saw the mass on the ultrasound screen. It had calcifications. I wasn't far along into pathology, but calcifications are rarely ever a good thing. I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach... It stayed there for days. It was a Tuesday. I was driving to school for micro lab (parking in the garage illegally). Dad called me. He and mom were on their way down to Jackson for a doctor's appointment. I was expecting an update on when they would be arriving, but he dropped a bomb on me. "They said its malignant." My mind went blank. My body went numb. Fear gripped me. CANCER. She was set up to have a thyroidectomy followed by iodine radiation in November, right before Thanksgiving. Surgery went smooth. Radiation wasn't to harsh on her. One year later- her scan was clean. God answered prayers from 2 scared children and a worried husband.
After M2 year we take the STEP1 exam. We have to pass it to move on to M3 year. The score we make also can make or break us for residency choices. The more desirable the residency position, the higher you must score on the exam. For someone who doesn't know what they wanted to do yet, I wanted to make high enough that I didn't limit myself. I was super focused, very high strung, and a little too stressed. Nicholas was studying for his last few law school exams and getting ready for the bar exam. It was a little tense on Hanover Place. 11 days before exam day... Nick hit a knee. He proposed to me on his graduation day. I was excited. My to-do list grew exponentially in a few seconds. I was distracted from my studying. I didn't get much done the last week. That was a blessing in itself. My mind was well rested for the test. God provided for me yet again, this time in the opposite end of the emotional spectrum. He allowed me to rest and focus during a time of joy and exitement.
Third year of medical school is such a change from the first two years. You start doing clinical rotations, seeing patients... actually getting to do medicine. The hours are demanding at times. The patients can be difficult. You see bad things happen to good people. You have to learn to be flexible. You have to see death and get to know it well. You see sad circumstances and bad family situations. I've grown a lot this school year. I've grown as a future wife and I'm growing into my white coat, so to speak. There have been tough times for me this year during all this adjustment and God has brought me through it. I was with Nick as he mourned the loss of his last living grandparent. I was there with his family as they went through Uncle Jim's bone marrow transplant, complicated hospital stay, and his passing. I had my home burglarized and many material possesions stolen. My grandmother had 2 strokes within two weeks of each other and now has right hemianopsia (she cannot see anything past the right side of her nose. She is blind in the right visual field of both eyes.) My dear companion, Doc, was stolen from me on New Year's Day. Yet, God has sustained me. I have peace. Though loved ones pass from this life, I know that they reside with God. Though material things were taken from me, I know my treasures are in heaven. And though my dog is gone, I was blessed enough to have him for the 1 1/2 years he was with me.
Why do I write this post? Why do I look back and remember the hard times? I only write this to remember how God has brought me through stormy seas. I am boasting in His strength prevailing through my weaknesses. He has carried me every bit of the way on this rocky journey. I owe it all to Him.
Nick and I are having this song played during our wedding. It will be played while we take communion-- our first act as a married couple.
In Christ Alone- Getty and Townsend
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand
I will stand, I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground, all other ground
Is sinking sand, is sinking sand
So I stand
My favorite pictures of my buddy, Doc:
Puppy cast
Cruisin'
Helping me study
Deer camp
Napping
