Same white coat... New pair of shoes.

I have finished my first three weeks of psychiatry. I worked with the Detox team. I saw lots of broken and addicted people. Some wanted help, some didn't, and so many relapsed. The same people coming back over and over for the same thing. It was just not my cup of tea. I felt so frustrated. I couldn't empathize with these patients. I don't know what they feel like. Empathy is such an important thing for a physician-patient relationship. I felt sorry for these people, but I couldn't feel with them. There was a barrier there that I never figured out how to break down.

I wanted to update where I was at this point, but Psych is not the subject of this post. All the things that have happened away from the hospital is the reason for this blog entry.

I have "stepped" into a new role without realizing what was happening. In my family, I am a daughter, a fiance, a sister, a granddaughter, a future daughter-in-law, a niece, a cousin. The latest thing I have become is medical advisor. My grandmother has had 2 strokes in 2 weeks... I am a concerned granddaughter, just like any granddaughter would be, except I know more. Instead of just being worried, I'm thinking about a differential diagnosis, etiology, pathology, and running risk/benefit scenarios in my head. I am also the one they are asking the questions, "now what?" and "what should we do?" or "will it get better?". There is also another side to this... When it comes to my family's health, I don't know if knowledge is a blessing or curse. I don't know if I will like knowing as much as I do when it comes to my family's health. Sometimes knowing the reality and the survival odds can leave little room for hope. Hope is what keeps us going in those situations. It is what we cling to so much. It keeps us from throwing in the towel. It presses us to keep putting one foot in front of another. What will win the next time I am faced with this? Will my face shine hope or will it show skepticism?

This past weekend, all these questions I was pondering and the reality of all that was happening hit me hard. I felt a new weight on my shoulders. The people I've looked to for answers are now looking to me. Will I lead them astray? I found peace in the fact that Matthew 10:20 says "For it is not you who speak, but it is the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you." If I am where I should be in my walk with Christ, God will direct me to give the advice to my family that they need. The burden is not mine to carry. It is not on my back, but in his hands. If I trust in Him, he will take care of me and the health of my family.

I know my family reads this... I love you all. I am so glad that I can help out our family in this way. I am gladly embracing this role I've been given. God led me here. He has blessed me with the skills to become a doctor. None of it would have been possible without you. You've been beside me all the way. To my future family... I love you all too. You've been great cheerleaders as well. I'm so very blessed to be joining a family as solid as yours.



See you at the Great Delta Bear Affair on Oct. 23!!

A few pics for thought:

A Lesson From Peter

Cast all your cares and anxieties on him, because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 (This is probably not the exact quotation, I'm rolling only on memory here. I'm not trying to rewrite the Bible, so if you're a theologian--chill out.)

So this week has been an absolute blur for me. It has been fun and exciting. I'm learning so much; its unreal. The real story about this week, aka-the thing the Lord is teaching me, began last week. Last week's rotation was fairly easy. I had great hours and no one made me feel like a complete idiot. BUT I was looking forward to a horrible week with long hours, a presentation to three big dogs, and rounding with them as well. This was so nerve racking to me. I was dreading this week so much. This may sound silly to some of you, but some of you that battle nerves, worry, and public speaking know where I'm coming from. So what did I do? I prayed. I prayed that SOMEHOW I would avoid this certain doctor who was known for "pimping" students, which is also known as putting you on the spot and asking questions. I prayed that he would go on vacation, or get a cold (that's terrible, I know- but David prayed for worse on his enemies, right?), or something else would happen that would allow me to avoid this guy for the week. I was praying for a miracle. This guy doesn't vacation and I'm pretty sure he has never been sick a day in his life. Superman.

Monday rolls around... I wake up at 640... I'm supposed to be there at 630. What a way to make a first impression right? So I rush to the hospital. I'm in there with the team by 705. It goes unnoticed. We are walking into the first surgery and the OR next to us needs an extra set of hands... I get sent in.
The doctor is from the area I grew up. We hit it off, talked about the home place. I'm relaxed and excited to be there. He starts asking questions in a non-pimpatory style, and because of his style I can confidently answer without nervousness. He also just happened to ask questions about a subject matter I just happened to read about in the few days before. Needless to say, I made a great impression and the resident asked me to leave my cell and pager number. After the surgery, I went meet back up with my team and the day ended early. Dr. Superman was never encountered. I went home super excited, yet still dreading the next day.

That night when I'm getting in bed, I notice I have a few messages and a missed call. I read the text messages and I couldn't believe it. It was the resident from the surgery that morning. I had been removed from the service I was on and was placed on their team! It was such a blessing! I immediately felt relief.

I know without a doubt that all of these things didn't just happen by coincidence. What are the odds that I got pulled from the OR I was in to go operate with the other team, AND the doctor happened to be from near my hometown, AND he just happened to ask questions about something I had recently studied, AND he needed enough help this week to justify pulling me off of another service? That, my friends, is not coincidence. That is answered prayer.

The lesson of my story this week: It doesn't matter if its big or small, God cares if I do. He looks out for his children and he desires the best for me. I prayed for favor in the eyes of my superiors, and he gave it. I prayed for avoidance of Dr. Superman, and he removed that obstacle from me. God is good. He is faithful. He shows himself to us everyday if we take the time to look for it. What all have I been missing simply because I have not been looking?